Wednesday, 27 July 2011

One of my most painful childhood memories is of a deep feeling of shame and isolation. I can remember vividly the little bedroom, my burning bottom (from the poker ), but by far the worst part was the feeling of being cut off from the love and warmth 'down stairs '. Miss Forde '(the local shopkeeper) had told my Mum about how I was buying lots of sweets for myself and my friends and so the truth came out . I had been stealing money from my Mum's purse (funnily enough I don't remember being ashamed of the stealing ! ) just the the shame of my adored father slapping and detaining me in my room.

Over the last few days I have worked this memory using yesterdays meditation.

Feeling myself back in that room, bringing the love and warmth of the meditation with me, I became strongly aware of Daddy's presence , of his deep love for me, I knew from the inside out that each slap was from a deep place of love and concern. Those slaps , the burning sensation, the separation ,were all a sign of his love and concern. What had been a deeply painful experience was transformed into one of love. I suppose this memory was so vivid for me because punishment and slapping happened so rarely in my house . And yet until doing this meditation I had always felt hard done by and a victim. It amazes me how limited my view had been.

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