It was another morning in Chu Lai, Vietnam -- a large and ugly army base where I was.  One February morning, as I avoided the mud puddles in my morning duty, I found myself standing on top of a drive-up ramp.

Looking through the mists toward distant purple mountains, I suddenly became aware that I WAS those mountains and they were me. The now perfect little mud puddles were as much me as my fingers. The olive drab trucks, the concertina wire, the things that had always possessed a negative connotation in my mind were simply ... man's folly!

Another GI, whom I barely knew, walked across the compound and I experienced a love beyond words  for him, a realization that he was me wearing his own personal disguise. I was immersed in this joy that I had never even heard of -- no separation from anything or anyone, no judgment of the world around me. Later, when I attempted to explain what I'd experienced with words, the only word that came close was one-ness.

Less than 2 weeks later, I was at LZ Bronco and was looking through a meager dozen or so collection of books left by earlier tenants and I saw this curious title, "The Book ... on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are" by Alan Watts. When he began describing the experience I recently had, it triggered the experience again, only this time as I immediately tried to hold on to it, to keep it, it dissolved, like quick-silver through my fingers.

A few months later, as I prepared to return "to the world" -- America -- I thought, "Okay, I now know some important truths.  Life will be easier, more simple." Instead, it has become more challenging than ever.  But those experiences changed this Southern Baptist bred Okie for life. I am thankful every day for the grace that I received that February morning along with the realization that this beautiful state of being belongs to every single being of every color, culture or persuasion on earth.

Although I have pursued, even lusted after the Oneness experience I'd had, like a donkey chasing a carrot on a stick, I have slowly and painfully come to realize that only through knowing and then having the compassion to love myself just as I am and accepting completely this wonderfully terrible world just as it is, will I be able to open my heart to the state that is always there, that makes the pain and the fear of self-discovery so worth the journey I'm on.

--Eugene Hilderbrandt

Learning Tai Chi one comes to recognise the difference between pushing down and opening to the ground.
When we push down the ground pushes back up we become even more separate from the earth. The boundary  between us becomes more pronounced. When we learn to open to the ground the boundary dissolves, we become one with the earth, no longer a separate entity resting on it's surface. Somehow through the practice we come to feel and understand these different relationships to the earth.
Something similar happens with partner work , slowly but surely we come to recognise what it is to be  'soft'.  We come to know and love the feel of a soft touch , one that melts in to us and dissolves the sense of separation.  I have no idea how these transformations come about but somehow the practice reveals these mysteries to us.  We somehow learn the difference between a touch from the outside and a connection that feels as if it is already part of us. In the beginning these subtle differences are difficult to discern but with time and practice they seem completely self evident  and one wonders how it was possible to confuse the feeling of pushing against someone with the feeling of connecting and dissolving in to them.
Just as dissolving the physical boundary takes practice and a focus on sensitivity, letting go and accepting life as it is takes practice . We need practice to know the subtle difference between really letting feelings go and  pushing them down. When we deny our feelings and push them down we create a boundary inside of ourselves and as the pressure on this boundary builds up we become more agitated until something has to give. The body will be trying to dissolve this boundary in whatever way it can.  If we are aware we will notice the agitation and reflect on what is bothering us so we can let it go. If we are not aware we will end up fighting with those around us and think that our agitation is their  ' fault'.
 Lester Levinson  said " Letting go is either easy or impossible. " Well for me last week it was impossible , I was pushing down my feelings and blaming all those around me and just couldn't even see at the time that it was about letting go. It was as if I was back in kindergarten with my mind. I was stuck in trying to  'figure things out'. My mind was in overtime looking for proof that I was 'right ' and everyone else was 'wrong'  what agony.  I kept looking for space and peace in my mind and somehow forgot that space and peace are outside or beyond the mind.  Paradoxically when I finally allowed my feelings up and accepted them and myself , the internal boundary began to dissolve ,I began to see how I was projecting my suppressed feelings out and creating a lot of pain in and around me. It wasn't easy to recognise that I was stuck, that I had an agenda and had lost my trust in life. That I was believing 'my way' was the 'right 'way.  Thank God
 that  ' Somehow' I woke up and eventually "Let go " of my agenda and regained my trust that God or some higher power does know what is best.

 John Kells emphasised  partner work in his T'ai Chi. How fortunate for me to train with him and his teachers and students who are all highly skilled in listening during partner work. We spent hours tuning in to ourselves while simultaneously listening to our partners movement. In the beginning I had no idea of what was going on, or even what I was listening for .  But I felt compelled to keep working at the partner work, then little by little   the work opened up to me. Somehow it reveals itself to us , as we practice we begin to tune in to subtle shifts in our own body and also notice more and more of what is going on in our partners body and in the space around our bodies. I coming to believe that the practice is a way of expanding our consciousness so we can be more aware more ,  present, and attentive. We begin to wake up to the wonder of connection, to the magic that happens in the space between. I am forever grateful for this teaching. It feels to me now that it was tailor made as a training for reconnective healing. The listening, the tuning in to ones self while listening and watching a partner this is exactly what is essential while working with a client .

I've been watching the movie Thrive it is produced by Foster Gambel. What a thought provoking and fascinating movie. Their website is a fund of information on ' free energy ' and ancient knoledge that is coming to light now and holds great possibilities for our planet. The movie investigates possible reasons why all this information is being kept secret from us. The movie is free to watch but after watching you just might be inspired to donate to the cause.

Control and Choice

A friend of mine is going through a hard time at the moment and is questioning ' the point of life and also questioning the point of practice saying " Life can come and give you a knock when you least expect it, you have no control over what will happen, so what is the point of all your practice  ?  It won't save you from life's problems."
I think she is missing the point (please excuse my pun ).
 My practice not  to avoid life's problems ( I can't avoid them and wouldn't want to anyway ). I practice and read and study so I have a choice in how I deal with life's  challenges. By developing the witness,  through  reflecting on how relationships work,  by mindfully practicing tac chi , I become more conscious in each moment of my life.
 I have noticed that this gives me more choices in how I respond in life. Whereas  before I would have shouted or slammed the door and walked away in an argument , now I can  l quieten my mind and listen to the other point of view. I have the time internally to respond rather than merely reacting without thought of consequences.

 When we can slow down our responses we can allow people their ' road rage ' , we can move over and let them off hoping their day will improve , instead of taking their action personally and being sucked in to their stress.
When we exercise our choice and take Control of how our day is going , we assume power in our lives not power over what will happen but power over our response.  As we do this we lose the fear of what life will throw at us and gain curiosity about how we will handle life's next challenge.

 You see I believe all life's challenges  have a purpose , I believe that one of the reasons we are here is to grow and develop , to expand our consciousness, to engage with each other and help each other to grow.
Life gives us the exact challenges we need for the next step in our journey of self discovery.

This morning, at sunrise, a new bud appeared on the tree.  It was born around midnight.  The bark, the skin of the tree, split open under the incessant movement of its sap to make room for another life.  However, the tree was not listening, was not feeling those movements, that pain.  All it did was listen attentively to the whispering of the flowers and grasses that surrounded it.  The fragrance of the night was pure and wondrous.  The tree had no idea of passing time, of birth and death.  It was there, as present as the sky and the earth.

This morning, at dawn, I understand that this new day does not resemble any other, that this morning is unique.  We often think that we store away certain mornings for later.  But it is impossible.  Each morning is special, unique.  My friend, how do you find this morning?  It is here for the first time in our lives?  Is it the repetition of a past morning?  My friend, when we are not present, mornings repeat themselves.  If we are present in front of life, each morning is a new space, a new time.  The sun shines over different vistas, at different moments.  Your full awareness is like the moon that bathes in the heart of hundreds of rivers: the river flows, the water sings, the moon travels under the immense dome of the blue sky.  Look at that blue color, smile, and let your awareness spring up like the transparent, pure sunlight that caresses the branches and leaves in the early morning.

 

A morning is not a page that you cover with words and turn over at any moment.  A book is a path where one can come and go.  A morning is not a path, not even a path followed by a bird that flies away without leaving trace.  A morning is a symphony; for it to be there or not depends on your presence.

 

The new bud on the tree is not even a year old.  It is the bud of mindfulness and deep looking that, at each moment, in perpetual motion, opens up to life.  If you see the new bud, you will be able to go beyond the limits of time, for true life is beyond months, beyond years.

 

Your eyes are the immense sky, the high mountain, the deep ocean.  Your life does not know borders.  All the delicious fruit and magnificent flowers belong to you.  Accept them.

 

--Thich Nhat Hanh, in Call Me By My True Names

Healing on Skype

Gaving heard and read about healing at a distance I was keen to give it a go. It surprised me that the feeling was the same as when healing with someone present . The sensations that accompany the 'energy' were every bit as strong in me. Here is how it felt for my client.

Yes, of course I can provide a feedback of my experience:
To start with, I tell you about my problem. I have found out that my upper spine reaching into my head is too straight, probably from sitting in front of a computer all the time...The spine and the upper jawbone have an effect on my eardrum. If I tense up, the membrane starts vibrating. I experience this as a pulsating noise, which is very inconvenient when you want to be quiet, concentrate or e.g. read a book.

With yoga exercises for my spine and jaw and taichi exercises on my head, I have found some movements that enable me to get rid of the vibrations. However, they tend to come back, especially, when there is stress and tension (which is not so surprising).

What happened when you did the healing session was the following. I was sitting relaxed on my tatami mat and just thought of nothing, didn't expect anything, as I didn't know much of what you would do.
After a few minutes, I could suddenly feel an incredible relaxation in my upper spine on the part between the neck and the shoulder, which is exactly that part that plays a role in my tinnitus experience. Thereafter, there were a number of similar events of relaxation in my bones along the spine and shoulder. It is hard to describe, but maybe it can best be described as the feeling when the doctor pulls or turns on a dislocated joint and it falls into place again.

I had about 5 such sensations and my body felt extremely relaxed thereafter.

I cannot say that my problem is fully gone, but it has done a extraordinary job on my problem, because it has relaxed me so much and relocated some joints.

H