Sunday, 21 October 2012

We moved from the town of Macroom to Cork city when I was
 about five years old.
Standing next to my mother looking up, not quite knowing what
 they were talking about, seeing the teacher  and all the children
 in the crowded classroom. Somehow I knew
that I was not to move into high-infants but to remain in low-
infants for another year. SHAME . What had I done wrong ?
They said  " The high infants class is too full, she will be fine.
It won't make and  difference she is only a child She won't
 even know. ".  I knew,  shame  and upset and I knew that my
mother could do nothing about it.  In Macroom where we had
lived she was a ' somebody ' this would never have happened.
Here she was nobody and had no clout and had lost  her
confidence, in fact she never had a pushy nature.
Maybe that was why the business had  failed. My mother
could'n say no. If people needed food she gave it. My
brother Donal says the shop was more like ' social security '
before the state provided.
 Anyway I digress.
 On reflection I can see advantages to my being  'kept back '.
I was no longer in the same year as my cousin Michael and so
 was spared the continuous comparisons that I had hated and
It also meant that  I ended up in the same class as my life long
 friend and 'releasing 'partner Margaret. We have experienced
 so much personal development together have encouraged
 challenged, and inspired one another to keep on the inward
 journey.  It's impossible for me to  imagine how I could have
 done the work without her.
I always felt a bit unsure about  my abilities  The being
 ' kept back ' story has been a great source of  'work ' for me.
This is where I believed my  " I'm not good enough "  beliefs
had begun. It took me a long time to realize that  "I'm not
good enough " is a core belief for most people. Maybe this is
 the 'original sin' the original lie that we buy into and live from
until we wake up. This has been my work for along time, to
search out the truth of who and what we truly are. To
experience this life as fully and completely as possible.

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