We moved from the town of Macroom to Cork city when I was
about five years old.
Standing next to my mother looking up, not quite knowing what
they were talking about, seeing the teacher and all the children
in the crowded classroom. Somehow I knew
that I was not to move into high-infants but to remain in low-
infants for another year. SHAME . What had I done wrong ?
They said " The high infants class is too full, she will be fine.
It won't make and difference she is only a child She won't
even know. ". I knew, shame and upset and I knew that my
mother could do nothing about it. In Macroom where we had
lived she was a ' somebody ' this would never have happened.
Here she was nobody and had no clout and had lost her
confidence, in fact she never had a pushy nature.
Maybe that was why the business had failed. My mother
could'n say no. If people needed food she gave it. My
brother Donal says the shop was more like ' social security '
before the state provided.
Anyway I digress.
On reflection I can see advantages to my being 'kept back '.
I was no longer in the same year as my cousin Michael and so
was spared the continuous comparisons that I had hated and
It also meant that I ended up in the same class as my life long
friend and 'releasing 'partner Margaret. We have experienced
so much personal development together have encouraged
challenged, and inspired one another to keep on the inward
journey. It's impossible for me to imagine how I could have
done the work without her.
I always felt a bit unsure about my abilities The being
' kept back ' story has been a great source of 'work ' for me.
This is where I believed my " I'm not good enough " beliefs
had begun. It took me a long time to realize that "I'm not
good enough " is a core belief for most people. Maybe this is
the 'original sin' the original lie that we buy into and live from
until we wake up. This has been my work for along time, to
search out the truth of who and what we truly are. To
experience this life as fully and completely as possible.